I was upset

A bit hurt

Susahnya nak puaskan hati orang lain..people assume me to be perfect but suck honest, I am not! So does everyone else.

Aku bukan budak kecik lagi, so bila aku cakap elok-elok..i was determinedly hope reply back with elok-elok jugak..entahlah, aku yang terlebih sensitive ke? Or aku yang tak memahami?

Aku tak minta orang faham aku, but please respect me a bit. I am not born with perfectioness.

How I hope sibling aku ramai. But, not. Kadang-kadang I feel awkward. Takde sapa nak meluah, accompany me in desperate time, kongsi interest yang sama. All I have to feel-stress+expectation+demand. 

Aku cuba taknak pentingkan diri.

Hati jeles bila tengok kengkawan yang rapat dengan their sibling. Depend on each other. But me? Semua shitness kat rumah ni aku kena face. Being ready in all particular situation. Sometime rasa nak lari, but what more could I said? My voice dalam rumah ni tak akan dilayan. Not be heard. Feel like I am just the black sheep.

Sampaikan satu tahap aku fikir, kalau aku mati orang takkan perasan pun. Valueless. Lagi bagus agaknya. Takla menyusahkan lagi. Done. Puas at least dapat luah.

Pleazz..

I don’t have anything. Even capabilities in doing something. I look stupid. I have no right. Neutral.

I don blame others. I am blaming myseft. I want to disappear!

God are you listening?